Saturday, December 17, 2016

walking on water: the beginning of a story about love and foster care

“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders...let me walk upon the waters…wherever you would call me.”

Just over three months ago, we were blessed to add a precious girl to our family through foster care. It's hard to explain what this process has meant and felt like, except it is the closest thing to walking on water that I have ever done.  

To be honest, I’ve never really related to Peter.  When I’ve read the text of Matthew 14:22-33, I mainly connected to the part where the disciples on the boat are scared when they see Jesus on the waves.  Because I can do scared like nobody’s business.  But Peter, he always seemed brash, implusive, and uneducated to me, and those are some things that I am not.  I always thought if he just took a minute before he got out of the boat, maybe he would have thought things through a bit and he wouldn’t have started sinking.  

Now, though, I get it. Peter knew his Lord. He knew who was in control. He knew he'd been called to live a life different than the one he'd imagined, and he was just trying to be with Jesus. Then things got hard and scary and there was nothing he could do to control the situation. But Jesus caught him.

And, goodness, if that isn't my life everyday now. I've been hanging out with Jesus for a long time. But most of that time, I've been in the boat. (There was that one time.) It's pretty safe there and there's Bible studies and worship music. All that time though, in the boat, there was this growing feeling we had that we were supposed to do this: welcome a child, a stranger, with baggage (not literally, she came with her school backpack and a bike). And love her dearly and help her feel safe and remind her and ourselves that we have a good, good Father. And He was walking on these waves before we showed up.

It's hard. There's days I feel like Jesus is holding my head just above water because I've totally lost sight of His sovereignty. There's days I try to take control and my worry and frustration spirals. In that though, there's generosity and love, family and friends who have been so supportive, prayers felt, two sweet girls who have loved and shared so much with their new sister, and a truly beautiful and brave little girl.