Monday, July 12, 2010

I believe, help thou mine unbelief!

20 days until we move! Anyone who reads this knows by now that we hitting the road again. Back when we bought our house, if you had told me we'd be moving again before living here for even 2 years, I would have thought that was crazy. Truth is, I still do. But I also think that God is at work in this, even in the very painful times since Matt resigned from his job in February.

I have not been on board with this plan from the beginning. I was determined that Matt would find a great job here (after a few months, I would have been happy with a so-so job here) so we could stay in the only house Cadie has ever known, I could keep a good paying job that fit our schedule, and we could stay near our precious NC friends. When we felt we should go back to Georgia, I was, honestly, still not on board. I was scared and mad that things didn't work out here in NC, even though it seems like we had done things right.

God really had to deal with me to show me that the life our family will have in Georgia is the best for us. I recognize what we are giving up (Oh, sweet Target, how I shall miss thee and thy clearance racks of sweet, sweet deals), but I am learning to focus on what we get...

Instead of playgrounds, Cadie will have hiking trails and waterfalls.
Instead of two cars and commutes to work, we'll have one car and Matt will usually walk or ride his bike across campus to his office.
Instead of using our extra spending money to go out for treats, I promised Matt we'll have homemade cookies in the house (um...cause there isn't gonna be any extra spending money - Mama ain't working).
Instead of a 5 bedroom, 2.5 bath suburban dream house (with extensive cleaning, upkeep and property tax bills), we'll live in a 2.5 bed, 1 bath farm house that belongs to the school.
Instead of seeing our neighbors' houses when we look out our windows, we'll see trees, mountains, and, probably, cows (and when the wind is right, we'll smell them too - that's when I'll know we need another batch of cookies).

I still have my doubts about these changes. We are wondering how we'll find a church where we will be glad to worship and serve in a rural area where southern gospel music is more popular than it should be and latent racism and sexism rear their ugly heads. As of this weekend, when we looked at our budget more carefully, we're wondering how we will pay the mortgage on only one income if the house doesn't sell quickly. I'm wondering how we can make friends in a rural area where young educated people are few and far between. When I'm reminded we're moving to a school with a faculty of generally young, educated people, I wonder how introverts like us can get those people to like us. I'm wondering why God would call us to move away from this wonderful life we've built so Matt can teach and minister to teenagers.

But that's what gets me. Because as much as "calling" confuses me, I think that's what this is. And I'm excited to see how it turns out. I'm excited to see how our family will change and grow and who we get to share our lives with. I'm pleased that we have made good friends here that I know we won't forget or be forgotten by, even if we only see them, well, not too often.

I'm praying with the father of the afflicted son in Mark 9, who cries out to Jesus, "I believe, help thou mine unbelief." All I can ask is that each day, I believe a little more.

3 comments:

The Partin Family said...

This post makes me very sad because I know the time is close for you all to leave. We are praying that you all find happiness in this calling and for the hearts that you will touch. You will not be forgotton and our lives have been blessed to have you so close to us for the past couple years. Oh, and you two aren't as introverted as you think you are. People are drawn to the both of you so I know you will find friends to help support you. We will miss you terribly.

-John and Melissa

Anonymous said...

How do I respond through the tears in my eyes? I am glad to read this blog because I so often wondered how you were feeling though you are good at being positive when asked. We too, thought you two had put roots down and leaving the only house our precious little one has ever known breaks my heart and knowing it fits you all so well for all the things you like to do. But God is the owner of all the world, all the houses in all the mountain sides. I know without a doubt, that God will Bless this move, that you will be happy and you will see the reasons later when you look back though we don't understand now. I do not think it is forever, it is just another stopping place along the road in God's plan. We love you three more than words can express and you are in our prayers always. Papa and Dassa

ebpartin said...

I made a statement to Ben right after you came into our lives that Matt was so talented that we would be a stepping stone for his career and your life. I am so glad that you have left a footprint on our lives that will always be in our hearts. You have a wonderful spirit that speaks God's love to everyone you meet. Cadie is so precious and will help make your move easier. We love you. God bless you.
Elaine and Ben